Breaking News! Squirrel Breaks Into Home, Eats Some Basil.

July 4, 2009 at 2:58 pm (Holy Squirrel Batman!) (, , , )

The break- in occurred early in the day on July 4th, our nations independence day. Apparently squirrels all over America are also celebrating their independence by breaking into homes. The Lalonde household fell prey to a squirrel break-in via their kitchen window. Luckily they were home and no one was harmed.

People had warned the Lalondes time and time again not to feed the squirrels so close to their home, but Mrs. Lalonde’s love of the small creatures was without boundaries, or so she thought. While relaxing on the couch the Lalondes heard a ruckus in the kitchen.

“We thought it was one of our clumsy cats falling into the sink,” stated Mrs. Lalonde, with a sharp hint of glee in her eyes.

What they found instead was a squirrel knocking over a bunch of window plants and chowing down on some potted basil. The criminal squirrel entered the house through a small hole he had chewed in the screen. Upon being discovered the squirrel in question fled the scene through his original entry point.

When questioned about the incident Mr. Lalonde stated, “He was actually sitting on the corner of the sink, I’m going to have to install metal screens now, vinyl screens are no good bul.”

Mrs. Lalonde insists this event will not deter her from feeding her beloved squirrels, though she has since moved the basil outside and intends to plant it in the ground, safely away from the kitchen window.

Maalox the squirrel could not be located for comment on the incident, leading squirrel authorities to believe he may have been the culprit or at least involved in the basil incident. Due to personality traits they are currently leaning towards Steven Andrew Orsborn the squirrel as their primary suspect. Flea the cat is totally pissed that he slept through the incident.

squirrel wanted



  1. Spano said,

    There are some squirrels in Chicago that still owe me money for a damaged screen and cookies.

  2. Jared said,

    was this published in the fishtown spirit??

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