Breaking News! Squirrel Breaks Into Home, Eats Some Basil.

July 4, 2009 at 2:58 pm (Holy Squirrel Batman!) (, , , )

The break- in occurred early in the day on July 4th, our nations independence day. Apparently squirrels all over America are also celebrating their independence by breaking into homes. The Lalonde household fell prey to a squirrel break-in via their kitchen window. Luckily they were home and no one was harmed.

People had warned the Lalondes time and time again not to feed the squirrels so close to their home, but Mrs. Lalonde’s love of the small creatures was without boundaries, or so she thought. While relaxing on the couch the Lalondes heard a ruckus in the kitchen.

“We thought it was one of our clumsy cats falling into the sink,” stated Mrs. Lalonde, with a sharp hint of glee in her eyes.

What they found instead was a squirrel knocking over a bunch of window plants and chowing down on some potted basil. The criminal squirrel entered the house through a small hole he had chewed in the screen. Upon being discovered the squirrel in question fled the scene through his original entry point.

When questioned about the incident Mr. Lalonde stated, “He was actually sitting on the corner of the sink, I’m going to have to install metal screens now, vinyl screens are no good bul.”

Mrs. Lalonde insists this event will not deter her from feeding her beloved squirrels, though she has since moved the basil outside and intends to plant it in the ground, safely away from the kitchen window.

Maalox the squirrel could not be located for comment on the incident, leading squirrel authorities to believe he may have been the culprit or at least involved in the basil incident. Due to personality traits they are currently leaning towards Steven Andrew Orsborn the squirrel as their primary suspect. Flea the cat is totally pissed that he slept through the incident.

squirrel wanted

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Meet Mr. Maalox, an up close and personal look at my friend the squirrel.

July 1, 2009 at 12:17 pm (Holy Squirrel Batman!) (, , , )

Hmmm. I’m always updating on a rabbit rabbit. Fitting. So months have gone by and nothing. I have definitely been slacking. I need to remedy that right quick. It’s been almost a year since we went on our Nova Scotia Moto trip and I haven’t even finished the blogs. Woe is me. I’ll have to get on that since the last three days include some of the best and worst times of the trip. But for now I just have some pretty rad pictures of my friend Maalox. The grocery store is out of raw peanuts right now (insert outrage here) so I had to splurge and give him almonds and pecans from my baking cupboard. He rewarded me with some up close and personal time this morning so I thought I’d share. I am hoping to befriend two more yard squirrels so that I can name them after my friends Steven Andrew Orsborn and Jared. They both got the result “squirrel” in the cheesy facebook patronus quiz. I was totally jealous. We currently have one non-Maalox visitor, a super skiddish squirrel that hurriedly steals nuts and runs away, he’ll definitely be Steven Andrew.

For now here’s the king of our backyard, Maalox…
grassy squirrel
Maalox and the Pecans
Maalox smile
all up in your face
my my maalox
oh word
contemplation of a pecan

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the backyard, in photographs

February 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm (Holy Squirrel Batman!)

I have always wanted my very own backyard with my very own window with my very own sink so that I can do dishes and watch the backyard shenanigans. I’m pretty ecstatic that I have that now. Sometimes really awesome stuff happens in my yard. Other times pigeons come and poop all over everything and squirrels eat all of my cherry tomatoes. I forgive it all for days like these…

Two catbirds showed up one day. They seemed mad at each other. two catbirds

So one took off to his own section of the fence. one catbird

And he found a new friend in the squirrel. squirrel and bird

Which eerily resembles the invitations to Michael’s and my wedding. Weird… invite

And to top it all off Maalox settled in for a cute nap.
squirrel nap

I hope you enjoyed the first episode of the backyard, in photographs.

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I have to go see about a squirrel.

January 31, 2009 at 11:13 pm (Holy Squirrel Batman!)


So the other day I started day four of the nova scotia trip blogs and guess what?  My dickhead cat knocked over an entire cup of coffee all over my desk, journal, keyboard, iphone, etc. etc.  So instead of finishing it or really even starting it I cleaned coffee off of my life and put paper towels between each page of the travel journal so they’d dry nicely and only have the light remnant of a stain.   

Today started with a lazy morning of staying in bed for extra hours, then making coffee, doing dishes and watching the squirrels.  This might be one of my favorite parts of my day.  I get a little cranky when my routine is off and I miss out on the squirrel and dishes tranquility.  I got some pretty sweet pictures today as five squirrels showed up.  Word.

The rest of the day was not as peaceful as it involved driving on 76 to the King of Prussia mall so I could exchange some earphones that stopped working and a usb cable that I accidentally dunked in tequilla.  After driving in retard strength traffic I found out that registering my fucking applecare online five hours prior wasn’t helpful because it needed to be registered within the first year. Where the fuck it says that is beyond me. Anyways all that stupid driving for nothing.  Grrr…

More squirrel pictures to put me in a better mood and a few of me and Flea the coffee knocking over dickhead cat. 
squirrel peanut 1-31
flea and abby
Holy shit! look at the sneaky squirrel in the background!
flea ears
Ok. Now I’ll go to a separate blog for the nova scotia jawn. I gotta keep it pure.

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let’s get married in a big cathedral by a priest

September 8, 2008 at 11:41 am (Holy Squirrel Batman!, Uncategorized, white wedding) (, , , )

I’m taking a quick break from the eight hundred million things I have to do in the next five days to write about a few of them. It keeps me sane, like doing the dishes and looking at my backyard. Sometimes a girls just gotta blog about it…

Michael is still immobile, four more days. He is starting to be able to see things better as fluid is now replacing the jelly that was in his eye.

Yesterday Rica and I went to Linvilla Farms and purchased $220 worth of pumpkins. It was actually $250 but they gave us a discount. This is what that much money in pumpkins looks like.

They thought we were trying to steal them at first. Then I got to drive on the hayride back road. That was cool. We ate cider donuts and I bought a squirrely from the farmer’s market.

Once home I tested the spray paint on the orange pumpkins. It’s sort of magical.

The delivery people have been making me smile lately. Last week they delivered my squirrel topiary, Michael’s custom Chuck Taylor’s and today, just now as I was typing this, I got our cake topper designed by Middleburg on It is amazing!!!

And now it’s back to the reality of seating charts and playlists and menus and flower arrangements and programs and every little tiny detail that this wedding shindig requires. Cross your fingers for sunshine.

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Fucking Kids.

July 4, 2008 at 12:20 am (Holy Squirrel Batman!)

Or maybe not so much kids. I don’t know. Still.

I ordered a self inking stamp with our wedding website on it. I also won a Monarch Kid Robot Figure on Ebay. Both should have arrived on Wednesday June 25. Neither did. Why? Because my stupid ass of a fill in, our normal post master dude is on vacation, mail man stuck the packages in my storm door. It’s a fully windowed door. Thanks. Douche.

Two wedding orders (Monarch was to be for a cake topper with Dr. Girlfriend), $40, all gone because some douchey doucherton couldn’t write out a fucking pickup slip.

In happy wedding news I got my prototypes for the invites today and I almost cried so you know. Whatever. I also priced out portapotties. Important stuff y’all.

I will be leaving to ride on the back of a motorcycle to Nova Scotia on Saturday July 19th. I am excited and also feel guilty for a. vacationing for longer than five days at a time and b. not planning a damn thing for our rapidly approaching nuptials. Nuptials is a good word.

Tonight we saw Wall-E. Adorable. Hearts. Cute. I want to go hug Michael and recycle something.

I’ve woken before Noon and mostly before Nine for the last two weeks. I am pretty much amazing.

Bedtime. But first here is Maalox. He rules.

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June 14, 2008 at 1:48 am (Attempts at Adulthood, Holy Squirrel Batman!)

In an effort to get out of bed at a decent time in the morning Michael and I took a trip to the Raymour and Flannigan or however and I do not care at all to look it up for the proper spelling outlet store. We scored a new PILLOW TOP mattress and metal bed holder thinger for under $400. We then proceeded to clean our bedroom and oh my heavens it was a trainwreck and a half. Cat hair that could’ve formed another cat, cat puke on things that were “lost” under the bed. Ugh. The floor was mopped for the first time in 2 years. I sorted through every last piece of my clothing. I own over 80 dresses. I could wear a different dress for 80 days in a row. That’s kind of retarded. Also, we are fucking gross. but it is done and we now have a sweet, sweet bed. It really is fabulous to be comfortable when going to sleep. I think about it when I am working. It’s my current addiction. Well, it and retarded expensive iced tea from coffee shops with a shot of some sort of fruity syrup and a little simple syrup mixed in. Perfection. I’m going to go get in my fabulous bed now. Yup.

Here are some pictures of squirrels that frequent my yard. I like blogs with pictures. They’re just better that way.

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I told you there’d be squirrels

May 21, 2008 at 12:33 pm (Holy Squirrel Batman!)

In my insomniac wedding zombie state I found this on the internets last night. Oh we will so be having these at our wedding:

Afterall one of our themes is bird and squirrel. Any excuse to buy a squirrel topiary is a good excuse if you ask me.

Yesterday I had a bad day because it poured rain all day and I spent four hours soaked. Awesome. So after I dragged myself to the gym I took a little detour on the way home. I also stopped at the post office to pick up my package. It was a good haul.

I think I have a problem. I think I like to purchase sweets and alcohol. I don’t so much indulge in them once they’re purchased though. Weirdo.

The wii fit came out today. Spano got one and I didn’t. I’m going to go kick him and steal his.

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